A spoof piece published in the Dunedin Star Midweek, on 23rd January, 1991. This wasn’t a Column 8 piece, but appeared on the third page of the newspaper under Community News.
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| Saddam Hussein in 2004 photo courtesy: jjron |
Of course, in the States, everyone who’s anyone has their
own highly paid analyst. Analysts so highly paid, no doubt, that they don’t
have time for preliminary interviews these days, so they leave the initial
questions to their juniors.
Some of the answers Mr Hussein might give are as follows:
Junior: Don’t you feel there’s something wrong with walking
into your neighbour’s place and taking over his property?
SH: Nobody would have noticed if the Kuwaitis hadn’t
complained. I blame them.
J: But what about taking so much of their property back to
Iraq?
SH: What’s theirs is mine, and what’s mine is my own.
J: So you’d feel quite comfortable about someone coming and
taking over your home, kicking you out, and taking most of your goods back to
their place?
SH: We Arabs have always been more relaxed about property
than you Westerners.
J: Didn’t you feel the sanctions were going to affect your
own people?
SH: My dictionary says sanction means I am
authorised to do what I please. I know of no other meaning.
J: With all these diplomats visiting you to speak about
peace, did you really think you’d lose face by backing down?
SH: Who said anything about losing face? It’s losing all
the stuff we took from our newest province that bothers me.
J: Many peace activists round the world have protested about
their countries going to war…
SH: Give peace a chance, I say.
J: But you began all this business by invading another
country.
SH: No, you have it all wrong – we needed a change. We were
bored with invading Iran.
J: I’m told you see yourself as another Nebuchadnezzar.
SH: An illustrious forebear of mine.
J: You’re not afraid that you’ll wind up like him, eating
grass for seven years, like a beast in the field?
SH: An ancient piece of Israeli propaganda.
J: Some people have said you’re another Hitler, and that if
you’re allowed to do what you want, you’ll annex everything you can.
SH: A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
J: And others say the Palestinian question is just a red
herring.
SH: Why bring the communists into this?
J: You seem very adept at evading the issue.
SH: Evading, invading – it’s all the same to me.
J: Don’t you feel concerned at leading thousands of your
people into a war in which most of them might be killed?
SH: Yes, I find it difficult to sleep at night…
J: I knew it.
SH: …tossing and turning, trying to decide where to go
after Kuwait.
J: After…?
SH: Jordan, Egypt, Saudi Arabia…the world’s my oyster.
J: So dumb
SH: Who’s sane?
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