Hair and there

 First published in Column 8 on the 14^th October, 1992

 Some articles in newspapers are published to fill an inconvenient gap. But how in the first place some of these reprints get past even the busiest of sub-editors is a mystery.

One northern newspaper recently printed a piece reporting US studies on beards, eyes and faces. The author began with the fatuous statement – I suppose he had to start somehow – that ‘since at least Aristotle’ we’ve been speculating that faces reveal the inner man. Wow…

First, from a study made by a psychologist, Michael Wogalter, we’re told three things about the wearing of beards. (1) They make men seem older. Well, the Victorians knew this, and grew them for exactly that reason. (2) Bearded men are less attractive. Who says? Attractiveness depends very much on the style of beard, and the country of the face’s origin, and the fashion of the day. (3) Bearded men are less sociable than their clean-cut counterparts. Fortunately Mr Wogalter has the tact to say that none of these are facts, only possibilities.

However, he assumes from this that beards are viewed unfavourably, though on the basis of those three points I can’t see why. There’s nothing wrong with appearing older. (In fact, in spite of my beard, most people think I’m younger than I am!)

Attractiveness is very variable: when beards were ‘in’ a couple of decades ago, women still married men in the same numbers as in the short back and sides era. Many of my contemporaries’ wedding photographs show the males with long straggly beards and hair down to the shoulders.

‘Hair is the most salient feature of the face,’ says Mr Wogalter, ‘therefore it must have a big impact on people’s perception.’ The only time I find a beard makes a big impact on me is when a man uses it as a tablecloth and leaves his food fluffling around in it.

Other researchers, who remain nameless, suggest beards were worn by our ancestors to intimidate the members of the opposite tribe – who presumably also wore beards, and also wanted to appear intimidating. Love-all. However, these studies also say the aforementioned beards attracted the females, which flatly contradicts all Mr Wolgater’s findings.

Now we come to lack of hair. Using computer generated mug-shots, Mr Wogalter finds that balding men are perceived as smarter, and a little older – considered a failing in bearded men. I’d say balding men are always perceived as older; that’s one of the reasons so many of them wear toupees, or go for hair-growing tonics.

As for being perceived as smarter, I find that hard to believe. Look at your average television formula thriller or comedy: Who’s the baddie? The bald-headed man. How come, if he’s so smart, he always winds up in the cart?

A certain Caroline Keating of Colgate (University, that is), sees a pattern in all this, we’re told. What the ‘all’ is, or what the pattern is, we’re not told. But she does have a theory. (The fact that it’s about as bright a theory as the one that says ‘mankind stood up straight in order to prevent too much sun from shining on his back,’ is neither here nor there.)

Her theory is that males evolved the receding hairline to attract mates. In Ms Keating of Colgate’s eyes baldness isn’t seen as oldness, but is commanding, authoritative.

Now the writer introduces some other studies. In these, people with large eyes are on one hand seen as warm and honest – but on the other as naïve and submissive.

Ms Keating of Colgate takes these paradoxical pieces of research and assumes that women like males who are dominating and powerful-looking, not naïve and submissive.

I can’t win. Since my glasses make my eyes appear smaller than they are, and I’m bearded, these studies imply I must be cold, dishonest, old, bright, bossy, antisocial and unattractive.

And yet my wife loves me.

Portrait of a bearded man by Jeremy Lipkin

Since this was written, of course, beards have become the norm. Not the larger bushy kind so much, but hair on the face in some form is so commonplace as to be barely noticeable.

Mr Wogalter gets some rather rough handling in this column. He can be found on the Net, as far as I can see, usually involved in some way in studies that other people have done.

Caroline Keating is also fairly visible and is an ‘expert at interpreting social psychological phenomena.’  She focuses on charisma, and social dominance.

While I was looking for information on Wogalter and Keating I found the names of two writers attached to a research paper: Heather Flowe and Ebbe B Ebbesen. A nice combination!