Pettifogging Fisticuffs
First published in Column 8 on the 26th Oct, 1994
Remember the saying ‘real men don’t eat
quiche?’ It inferred that real men were too tough to get into food that melted
in your mouth. In other words, no
males eating fluffy-food needed to apply for the ‘real man’ brigade.
I think the saying should now be amended to
‘real men don’t play rugby.’ Perhaps
that broad statement needs a little qualification. A few real men play rugby, but they’re getting
harder and harder to see amongst the pack of scruffs who’ve been performing on
the fields the last few seasons.
I don’t suppose rugby ever qualified as a
gentle man’s game – there’s always been a rough edge to it. But these days there’s no way you’d think of
it as a game for gents: the rugby field’s become a place where galoots with
weight to throw around think their weight’s the main reason they’re in the
team.
If someone else gets in your way, poke him
in the snout, or pull his arm off, or throttle him. What do you mean, tackle him? That’s for quiche-eating sissies.
My biggest concern with all these lumps
whose brains reside in their fist is the effect they’re having on the
up-and-coming generation of footballers.
Kids are learning a mindset regarding this
game: the opposing team’s only there to walk over. In fact, if you don’t get in first, they’ll
demolish you. Hang the game: this is warfare.
I’m appalled by kids who think that rucking
someone’s face or head or torso or let is the way to play
rugby. I cringe when kids consider that injuring
the opposition is part of the game. I
even hear about kids who go into the scrum determined to punch someone’s lights
out so as to put them out of the action.
Where do they learn all this? Do their coaches teach them? I don’t think so.
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| Courtesy Jwgfoto |
The philosophy behind that advert no longer
impacts on the minds of the kids out on the fields. Aggression and ugly play are getting to be
the norm.
And why? The answer’s obvious. Refs spend
countless minutes in games these days sorting out adults who can’t control
their tempers or fists. They’re forced
to waste the time of paying spectators because so-called top players get
steamed up over nothing and don’t have the self-control to behave on the
field. And half the time it’s fully
televised for all the nation to see.
The skills of good rugby players are going
down the tubes because they’ve forgotten their purpose is to play a game, not
have a fight. If these players are so
much into fighting, send them into a boxing ring. At least there people expect you to knock
your brains into sludge.
Let’s leave fisticuffs off the football
field.
I struggle to persuade the rugby
enthusiasts in my family (with the exception of the Aged Parent) that doing
serious damage to other players is not the norm. They see it all the time now and see the
best-known players getting into it. If
those heroes do it, it must be okay.
Does the pressure of playing rugby, or the
hype of a championship final, or the state of the ground really cause grown men
to fling their fists about? I don’t
think so.
And will hitting the pockets of the players
with a fine really tackle the problem? Coughing up cash is the easy way out.
I think these guys need to be hit where it
hurts: ban them from the game, not just for a few weeks, but for a full
season. Put them on the back burner and
see if some sense of shame starts to seep into their system.
So what if they’re big-time rugby
stars? In the future, are most fans
going to remember Richard’s Loe’s playing, or the way he eye-gouged Greg
Cooper?
And while these guys are out of it, let
them do a bit of community work with people who find being battered isn’t so
macho. And perhaps they could write a
few essays for general publication on why they think a lack of self-control is
so vital to their game, or how they reckon young players can avoid being
influenced by their petulant behaviour.
Unfortunately, I don’t think the NZRFU has
the guts to turn these players into real men.
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