I read Traci’s book over the last week,
and as usual with an e-book, highlighted a number of things that struck me, or
that I ‘argued’ with. This is one great advantage of e-books, that you keep
track of the notes you make so easily. It’s the equivalent of scribbling on the
printed page or putting in exclamation or question marks.
Traci’s book looks at the difficulties
people face who have limitations, or who are more sensitive than others, or who struggle to
make themselves heard against those with stronger personalities. The limitations
may be physical or mental disabilities, or health problems. The one struggling
may be part of a minority, someone who's been brought up in an abusive family, or someone currently living in an abusive situation. Traci’s book applies to any of these and more.
It also looks a great deal at bullies
and controlling people.
One of the lines that really struck home
to me was: Controlling people do not like to be controlled. Controlling people do
not like to have their agendas obstructed. I’ve found this true in my own life too. I know several controlling
people: they usually have positions of authority and can abuse that authority, often
without realising it. I’ve even been guilty of being a bit of a control freak
at times myself, so in a sense I know it from both sides. Controllers don’t
like to be confronted about their behaviour, however. Mainly, I think, it’s because
they don’t see it at the time, and perhaps don’t even believe they’re doing it.
I’ve found that some of them
eventually come to understand they’re controllers, but the behaviour is so
habitual that controlling usually happens before they can deal with it. They
have to eat humble pie afterwards. Still, better to eat humble pie than never
to acknowledge it.
Traci makes a point about
bullying: I think that the overarching
reason for the bullying...can be condensed down to the fact that many of these
people [are] self-righteous. Self-righteousness can be loosely defined as the
attitude of a person who feels that he is superior to people who don’t think,
look, act, talk, or believe as he does. The parable of the Pharisee and the
tax collector immediately comes to mind! [Luke 18:9-14]
The self-righteous often
don’t see their own behaviour. I had
experience of corporate bullying in the last three years of my working life. I
wasn’t directly in the line of fire, but my immediate boss was. The self-righteous
bully eventually closed down our office because he felt he was right about his views. And unfortunately,
as is often the case with such bullies, there were also cronies and yes-men
surrounding him who endorsed his self-righteousness. Standing up to such people
is an enormous, energy-draining task, as my boss found.
This is a personal book,
and Traci discusses her own successes and failures honestly. She also gives
credit to those who've helped her, and in one passage talks about her husband
who saw her potential, affirmed her, encouraged her and validated her. ‘Since
he believes in me,’ she writes, ‘I believe in myself.’
In spite of the
difficulties of Traci’s life she has managed to build up a positive attitude. I
like this paragraph from her book: When
one door closes, a new door to a better life usually opens. Sometimes, we just
have to be patient. At first, newly-opened doors may not always look like fresh
opportunities. Opportunities may not always manifest themselves immediately. In
fact, opportunities may first present themselves as unexpected, undesired
challenges. The good news is that those challenges are what prepare us for new
levels in life.
There’s a lot more packed
in that paragraph than I realised when I first noted it.
This is a book that will
encourage those who struggle, whatever their situation. It will also make you
stop and think: am I guilty of this kind of behaviour?
I might not have discovered
this book if I hadn’t discovered Traci on Google+. Increasingly I’m finding that site is full of people who are willing to make strangers
into friends, and help and support each other.
You can buy Accept No Trash Talk here.
