An interview with Traci Lawrence

Traci Lawrence is the author of the e-book Accept No Trash Talk, which I read recently. I've been in touch with Traci and asked if I could send her some questions about the book. She's sent me the answers and here's the result. [My questions and comments are in italics.]

This is your first book, I believe. Has it taken a long time for you to get this book off the ground?

In a word: yes. About a year and a half passed from the time when I got the idea for the book until it was first published. I have spent the past five weeks editing it for the publication of the second edition. Editing is an important, seemingly never-ending process.

I can agree with that! I see you’ve had some very positive reviews from readers. Have you had similar reactions from people on a more personal level as well?

In the beginning, my beta readers (people who an author asks to read an early, pre-publication manuscript) gave me more constructive criticism than positive feedback. However, since that first awkward stage, I have been given mainly positive responses. Relatives, friends, and colleagues who have read the book usually say that it’s inspiring. At the very least, they tell me that they appreciate the stories of prominent figures overcoming the odds.

I believe you’re preparing a revised version of the book. Is this based on feedback from other people, or is it because you’ve rethought some of the things you’ve written?

The main motivation for my edit was the advice of a publishing industry professional. She felt that the message of my book was important, but I needed to tighten up the formatting and content. Also, she felt that I needed to shorten the book,

On my own, I had decided that I wanted to update the examples that I used. I added, deleted, and edited stories. I wanted to bring a more positive, updated outlook to my work. I took some of the focus off of me and shifted it more to the stories of other people.

One of the great advantages of e-publishing, especially when we self-publish, is that we can correct things, or improve them, even after the book has gone out to customers. Will your updated version be the last word on this book?

It’s hard to say. I understand that some authors publish many editions of a certain book, and I am a perfectionist. Aside from that, there will always be new stories to tell of how individuals interact.

Did you find the self-publishing process difficult, overwhelming, straightforward...? Were there people who could help you with the task?

I made the choice to publish only on Amazon for now. Publishing in electronic format is not difficult. I followed the links for publishing to the Kindle starting from the Amazon home page. My book was available for download by the next day. There are no fees involved for this process. It is straightforward.

Amazon Kindle publishing experts are available by e-mail only. They did help me with a few simple formatting questions at no cost to myself. However, it was inconvenient to only be able to contact them by e-mail. I really would have appreciated more help in a timely manner.

[For those wanting to self-publish with Kindle, I'd recommend the free e-book, Building Your Book for Kindle which I've used for all three of my books. It takes you through the process without missing any vital information!]

Do you have any other books in mind? If so, will they be on the same sort of topic, or on other areas of concern?

I am currently doing research for a book that is a sort of continuation of my first book. It will feature specific examples of prominent figures and everyday people overcoming ridiculous odds.  Some examples of the famous people it will feature are King George VI of England (who conquered a debilitating stutter) and the French Impressionists (who conquered a lack of acceptance by the mainstream art community).

How easy do you think it is for sensitive people to confront bullies or controlling people?  Is it better to avoid confrontation, to ‘tune-out any sort of inappropriate negativity’ as you say at one point?

Confrontation is difficult for many people, especially sensitive ones. Some delicate individuals may shy away from conflict altogether. In some cases, we must ask ourselves if the clash is really worth it. If our rights, or needs, will be trampled unless we address a particular issue, perhaps we should choose to face the situation—if feasible. However (in my humble opinion) if confronting a situation will be unproductive, it’s best to avoid an altercation. I have never been a big fan of wasting my own time.

I don’t know if it’s feasible to say that confrontation is always right, or always wrong. Individuals should use their own judgment. That’s the safest answer. When I mentioned tuning out negativity, I was referring to tuning out people who, generally, demean us. I wasn’t mentioning people who might be a real threat to us in any way. There will always be naysayers out there, and we can’t afford to give weight constantly to what they say and do.

You say at one point that you’ve ‘heard it said that every person...has a particular section of the body which is more prone to disease.’ I wasn’t sure that I agreed with this. Is there any actual research done along these lines that you know of?

I’m no expert on this subject, and I’m not aware of any scientific research on the subject. However, I have seen references to this issue in non-medical literature (such as New Age literature). To me, it’s an interesting field to observe. There does seem to be a pattern: ulcers may occur in people with a certain personality type. Other gastrointestinal issues may happen in people who are more sensitive. These conclusions are based on my non-scientific observations, and research, only. Of course, I can’t say that my observations are true for everyone.

One of the things the book made me do was look at my own behaviour. I don’t like confrontation much, but I’m also capable of being a controlling type of person in some areas at times. Do you think that many people have tendencies to swing between one or the other?

Again, I don’t pretend to be an expert in this area. I only know what I’ve researched, and observed. Some researchers of personality types, such as Tim LaHaye, feel that every person is an unique amalgam of characteristics. It’s a fact that few mentally stable people are controlling, or submissive, 100% of the time. It’s probably true that most people swing between the two depending on the situation. For instance, I may feel comfortable taking the lead on a small group project at work while I may be submissive to my supervisor.

People are complicated. Most of us can’t be put into boxes that read “Continual manipulator”, or “Shy and awkward”.

Thanks, Traci. Good to have some background to your book. I know it will encourage a great many people, whichever version of it they read...

Review of Accept No Trash Talk, by Traci Lawrence

I read Traci’s book over the last week, and as usual with an e-book, highlighted a number of things that struck me, or that I ‘argued’ with. This is one great advantage of e-books, that you keep track of the notes you make so easily. It’s the equivalent of scribbling on the printed page or putting in exclamation or question marks.

Traci’s book looks at the difficulties people face who have limitations, or who are more sensitive than others, or who struggle to make themselves heard against those with stronger personalities. The limitations may be physical or mental disabilities, or health problems. The one struggling may be part of a minority, someone who's been brought up in an abusive family, or someone currently living in an abusive situation. Traci’s book applies to any of these and more.

It also looks a great deal at bullies and controlling people.

One of the lines that really struck home to me was: Controlling people do not like to be controlled. Controlling people do not like to have their agendas obstructed. I’ve found this true in my own life too. I know several controlling people: they usually have positions of authority and can abuse that authority, often without realising it. I’ve even been guilty of being a bit of a control freak at times myself, so in a sense I know it from both sides. Controllers don’t like to be confronted about their behaviour, however. Mainly, I think, it’s because they don’t see it at the time, and perhaps don’t even believe they’re doing it.

I’ve found that some of them eventually come to understand they’re controllers, but the behaviour is so habitual that controlling usually happens before they can deal with it. They have to eat humble pie afterwards. Still, better to eat humble pie than never to acknowledge it.

Traci makes a point about bullying: I think that the overarching reason for the bullying...can be condensed down to the fact that many of these people [are] self-righteous. Self-righteousness can be loosely defined as the attitude of a person who feels that he is superior to people who don’t think, look, act, talk, or believe as he does. The parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector immediately comes to mind! [Luke 18:9-14]

The self-righteous often don’t see their own behaviour. I had experience of corporate bullying in the last three years of my working life. I wasn’t directly in the line of fire, but my immediate boss was. The self-righteous bully eventually closed down our office because he felt he was right about his views. And unfortunately, as is often the case with such bullies, there were also cronies and yes-men surrounding him who endorsed his self-righteousness. Standing up to such people is an enormous, energy-draining task, as my boss found.

This is a personal book, and Traci discusses her own successes and failures honestly. She also gives credit to those who've helped her, and in one passage talks about her husband who saw her potential, affirmed her, encouraged her and validated her. ‘Since he believes in me,’ she writes, ‘I believe in myself.’

In spite of the difficulties of Traci’s life she has managed to build up a positive attitude. I like this paragraph from her book: When one door closes, a new door to a better life usually opens. Sometimes, we just have to be patient. At first, newly-opened doors may not always look like fresh opportunities. Opportunities may not always manifest themselves immediately. In fact, opportunities may first present themselves as unexpected, undesired challenges. The good news is that those challenges are what prepare us for new levels in life.

There’s a lot more packed in that paragraph than I realised when I first noted it.

This is a book that will encourage those who struggle, whatever their situation. It will also make you stop and think: am I guilty of this kind of behaviour?

I might not have discovered this book if I hadn’t discovered Traci on Google+. Increasingly I’m finding that site is full of people who are willing to make strangers into friends, and help and support each other.  

You can buy Accept No Trash Talk here. 

Cyber-anger

The NZ Government is in the process of considering bringing in a law that will protect people who are cyber-bullied.  The aim is to show the bullies just how serious their actions are, and that they could lead to a prison sentence.

Bullies aren't good at listening of course - even when the harm they do magnifies into something like suicide on the part of the victim, they have a tendency to blame the victim rather than themselves.

The video below isn't directly about bullying, but it is about the way in which we need to remember that it's a real person at the other end of the computer, and that they expect you to act as a real person too.  Regrettably, all of us at times have acted as though there isn't anyone real out there, that it's just a machine we're addressing.  Curiously, even though we think of 'it' in terms of a machine, we direct our bullying or complaint to a 'real' person we have in our head.  Holding back on the vehemence and violent language by taking a walk round the block before you sit down to write the abuse (however justified it may seem) is one way to avoid problems for all concerned.  Anyway, the video says it better than I can...